Dear Blogspot,
What the hell! I though we were friends! Not only has no one been able to comment on my blog in FOREVER, but now I can't even find my dashboard. You've changed. And I don't know if we can stay friends for much longer.

I made a f#$%ing cake

Sometimes I like to bake. Most times I don't. I come from a long line of people who become enraged by the act of baking. When something goes wrong in my sister's kitchen, her dog won't even come in. My mother once hucked a pan of brownies, pan and all, out the front door and across the driveway. When things go wrong, this is me:

except I don't look so friendly.
So today, I saw a recipe for a Peaches and Cream coffee cake, and it looked so good, I figured I'd make it. (Recipe here, maker beware). It does taste delicious (I didn't use the pie filling, but just canned peaches).  But c'mon! See, I mix everything by hand, because I'm Amish like that, and when it came time to add the egg whites, it just wasn't happening. I had sections of cake batter, lubricated by the egg white, just slipping past the wooden spoon. "Madness! I will use the hand mixer!!" The hand mixer, however, didn't  like this plan. It sluggishly worked its way through the batter, blending the ingredients, but I could tell it wasn't happy. Actually, I'm pretty sure it was just this side of smoking. A strange thing happened: the batter clung to the beaters, working its way towards the body of the mixer, and I thought, Nay nay, this will never do. It's mixed enough, I'll just get rid of the beaters and mix the rest by hand. This, my friends, is where things went sideways. The batter was completely covering the beaters, so there was nowhere to grip them while they were still in the mixer; thinking I would just drop them out and then clean them off, I lifted them from the bowl. The following is playing through my mind in slow motion: looking at the beaters in front of me,  clear of the bowl, I think I should really unplug this before I take them out. But I didn't; the rising tide of batter had covered the cord, and I figured this way, well f#&*, I don't know what I was thinking, other than, Oh God, what a MESS.  If only I'd have known.... So there the beaters are, so full of batter, they resembled corn dogs, and I figured I'd just drop them in the bowl, reached for the eject button, and

                        I turned

                        the f-ing thing

                            on.

My mind, in a blur of panic (I'm not prone to panic, but hearing flack-flack-flack as batter hit every conceivable surface in the kitchen, well, it startled my poor, unemployed brain), went Oh Muh Guh, shut it off!! Which was clearly interpreted as Turn it UP!!

It was everywhere. Even in the GD cupboard. Oh. My. God.

*calm blue ocean. calm blue ocean*

The good news is, it really does taste good.

Royston has gotten over his extreme remote related humiliation, and was back to his normal self. Pictures as proof, because I don't want anyone thinking he was beaten with a hose or anything (*ahem* Lori), he just looks like that when he knows he's been bad. But look! Happy hounds in the yard:

 Happy Monday!

The Return of Woody Chewshoes *this is a dog post*

When Rocco was a puppy, he chewed EVERYTHING. Shoes (I lost count), bras (ALL of them), baseboard, night table; he accidenally shut himself in the bathroom, knocked the garbage can over and ate all of the Q-tips. He had toys, LOADS of toys, and he chewed those too. So when Royston came along, it seemed like we had lucked out, and when he was really small, we were lucky. But in the last two weeks... well... something has changed. He's eaten 2 remotes, a door jamb, a pillow, a bag clip...

Yesterday, I was gone ten minutes. TEN MINUTES! And I came home to this:

Is that not the most pitiful thing you've ever seen? The "I know I shouldn't have but I. Just. Couldn't. Help it!" look. Note the chew toy that's right there.

Eastlink has a chat option, handy since there's nowhere on the website to get addresses for the stores/kiosks.

Please wait while we find an agent to assist you...

You have been connected to Richard.

Richard: Thank you for contacting EastLink, my
name is Richard, and I will be assisting you today, how may I help
you?

Trudy Munroe: Hi Richard. My dog ate my remote, and I need a new
one. Where can I get one?

Richard: You can get one from one of our
Kiosks if you live near one, or speak to customer service if you would need to
get one mailed out to you.

Trudy Munroe: I'm in Bedford, where would the closest kisosk be? It's a
bit of an emergency, I'm stuck on a channel that's airing a Van Damme
movie

Richard: Van Damme isn't so bad! Closest one is likely in Halifax
or Dartmouth.

Richard: We have a kiosk in the Halifax shopping center
and Mic Mac mall.

Trudy Munroe: None in Bedford or
sackville?

Trudy Munroe: Please hurry. He's wearing a bandana and
punching a stick.

Richard: We do have one in lower sackville

Richard: The street address is 367 sackville Dr

Trudy Munroe: Thank you! Have a good afternoon :D

Richard: You too!

Richard: Thank you for dropping by Trudy, and have a great
day!

I went to pick it up and the lady suggested I put velcro on it and stick it to the ceiling. I suspect she has dogs as well..

Episode #63 of things that annoy me

1. Commercials/tv shows where the women are gorgeous and their spouse. Just. Really. Isn't.

2. That slimband commercial. Still And Ally as well. They should have to state in the commercial "If you take this pill, you have to eat healthy, like you should, if you want to lose weight. If you don't, all that grease will run out your bottom." Cause I don't care if you're skinny, if you're crapping your pants, you definitely aren't sexy.

3. My complete lack of ambition.

4. Rocco's constant game of "Let me in so I can come back out!"

5. The fact that I can no longer do yoga. Through no fault of my own. Srsly. I bring out the yoga mat, and, well... see photos... comfy yoga mat.

6. All the people on Property Brothers, Love It or List It, Leave it to Bryan, etc. Did you ever have an imagination? Ever? What do you mean, "I just can't see beyond the clutter/wallpaper/popcorn ceiling." Dear God. Live in a tent, you losers.

7. No one has cleaned my sewing room yet. Really, why is it so hard to get good help?

8. I'm unemployed. Yet again. Through no fault of my own. And I am very. Very. Angry.

And the #1 thing that is not annoying me this week: The weather. It's 25+ today, and it's been very, very nice for the last 2 days. I know it's a tease, but I'll take it.

Spring? Spring? Has anyone seen Spring? Anyone? Anyone?

I'll admit it: my sewing room is still a mess, which I really, really, need to clean up. The need for a couch cover was *ahem* underlined for me on Friday when we went for supper and Royston helped himself to my Martha Stewart crimson felt tip pen on the pool blue microfibre couch. *deep breath* Thanks to OxyClean and my little bissell carpet cleaner, the couch is blue again. And yes, the dog still lives here. In fact, they've been really good, his training is coming along nicely....

I think the Christmas cactus is confused. I blame the snow.

And if the Avocado keeps growing like this, it'll need a name. And a place at the table (ha! Table! But more on that later).

Adam brought home some lucky bamboo, and I'm starting to think we're being taken over by odd house plants...

And that reminds me, I never did show the after of the dresser I refinished, so here it is:

One of the local radio stations, Live 105, is having an Ugly Kitchen contest.

Think I can win? It's too bad that you can't see the countertop in all it's glory, or because the kitchen is so small, I can't get a shot of the shitty job they did installing the door and show off the nice tiny sink by the 50 yr old stove. OR the fact that there's nowhere for a GD table! Or the bare lightbulb! And the stove, btw, is an asshole! Every time I put something in that drawer, it won't slide back in, one side hangs down like Paris Hilton's eyelid, but would it do it today? Noooo.

But I shouldn't complain, cause it does work (pleasedon'tjinxitpleasedon'tjinxit). Sunday I made some banana muffins, which were soooo good, and a grapefruit poundcake, which everyone should try. And invite me to your house, cause I'd like some more, please. On the menu tonight: apple butternut soup. Wish me luck! Maybe in a couple months I could be baking in a whole new kitchen! ;D

PS: I apologize for the state of this entry. I don't know what's up with the odd spacing, and thanks if you made it this far! It looks terrible, and I've tried a few times to fix it, so screw it, it is what it is. Think of it as a few moments to think about what you've just read before you get to the next part ;).

Happy Meterological Rodent Day!!

I don't have a source for this, but if you do, please let me know what it is!

House boy, I need more coffee.

What have I done lately? I've worked! That counts, right?

I did find the perfect Christmas gift for Lori! And it's a money making venture as well!

Speaking of Lori, she gave me some Parking Citations to keep in my handbag, y'know, from when you see that Heir to the Massengil empire taking up way too much space? (Okay, so it might be because I tend to rant (a lot) when I see people in parking lots who should be supervised when they walk, let alone drive). Yea, so they look like this:

When I was leaving work yesterday, I noticed one of my co-workers was taking up 2 spaces, so I checked off the appropriate boxes, put it under his wiper, and went home. In typical fashion, I forgot about it until today, so I sent him a message to ask him how he liked it; turns out our boss picked it up and brought it in to him, and everyone thought it was a serious thing. Bwahahahahaaha.

Knowing that made up for me locking my keys and my phone and my groceries in the car when I went for sushi, and THEN after paying $1.50 to get cash out so that I could get change so that I could use the payphone, the payphone told me my phone was disconnected (it's not, but the people at the phone company seem pretty intent that it's someone else's fault that half the incoming calls here get that message). So I had to walk home. In a snowstorm. Hoping all the way that my spare keys were NOT in my handbag. Cause, uh yeah, that was in my car too. But they were not. And no one had to get hurt (although the elderly lady who was ahead of me at the cash machine, seemingly catching up in all her bills since 1958? Yea, it came close to violence).

So, how was your day? 0_o

And in other unrelated news, on my way to work I drive by a really old graveyard (which I can't find any information about, but it takes up a few city blocks, and dates back to the 1700s. Wednesday morning, a woman was just getting to the gate with her wee little Scottie dog, all decked out in a coat and wee little booties, and as it got to the gate.... it braced itself for all it was worth, and I don't know if she finally dragged him into the cemetery, but that little dog was putting up a good fight. I won't lie, I found it pretty creepy.

And speaking of creepy, someone has been coming into my house. And stealing my Tupperware. No, really. Because when I tried to put the leftovers away, I had a lot of lids, and nothing else. I mean, what the hell? It's not like I send people home with open containers of food! I came thisclose to having to put my mashed potatoes in a baggy!! I don't understand and I may have scared the dogs a little on my rampage to find the lids, but everything is okay now! Because amongst the bags of groceries that I locked in my car? There were new take-away containers. Which will be assigned serial numbers, and they will be scanned before leaving the property. Okay, not really, but if anyone knows of their whereabouts, please tell me, it's making me a little crazy(er).