Beware the doughnuts.

I made a long anticipated trip to Value Village yesterday. I was looking for a ginormous plushie for Rocco but they had nothing. As per the fabric diet, I avoided that area. I didn't find any dirty plates either, but hope springs eternal on that front. So, what did I find?

Well, I did find plates.

I know they're a little out of season, but they'll be awesome about 10 months from now! Sorry about the bad pictures, too; the graphic is really clear, but they were very hard to get a picture of. They're only about 4" in diameter, and they're stamped American Greetings, but there's no year. Cost: $1.99 each.

And then.... (conveniently after lusting after this) I found a mini doughnut pan, that I don't think was ever used, for $3.99. So today this is what I've done:

I glazed mine (maple glaze, butter pecan, and vanilla with cinnamon and sugar). They're good, but I wouldn't use the glazes again. Next time: pumpkin doughnuts with a cream cheese dip. Giggity.

I haven't done anything else because I've been chasing the dogs around. Yes. DogS. And no, we didn't. We couldn't! WE WOULDN'T HAVE. Adam's friend brought his dog to play with Rocco while they work. He's great, other than liking to wander off instead of pee when he goes outside. Most people would wonder why Rocco was sleeping like this
but that was because Judd was lounging in his chair
... which Rocco was fine with. Until he wanted it back...
... so they settled on this...
How was your Saturday?

I'm perfecting the Truffle Shuffle

(For the record, Jeff "Chunk" Cohen, is now a successful entertainment lawyer. Info from the web says, "The only Goonie who realised he has achieved artistic perfection in 1985 and turned his back on acting." I can't argue with that. And if you haven't seen The Goonies, and you don't know what I'm talking about, well then, you should be ashamed of yourself).

Today was one of those days. Not as bad as yesterday, when I fell down while walking the hound, got home to realize I had achieved a phenomenal doggy-doo finger without my knowledge (gross, I know), and it got worse from there.

However, today I probably should have shuffled around in my pjs and slippers, or at the very least, definitely not baked anything. Oh, banana bread, why do you forsake me??

Two tears in a bucket.

I have things to do tomorrow. Things I shall tell you about at a later time. Unless the hound jumps the gate and eats the laptop.
I won't think about that right now.

So. I read a tutorial about printing onto cotton from an ink jet printer (I can't remember where the tutorial was, sorry, I have no link). Have any of you tried this? I have no way to mirror image my text so I can print on my transfer paper, so I was going to try it. Although I would appreciate any advice/direction on mirroring text, too.

(Gratuitous dog shot)
"Did you say walk?? Hellsyea I want to go for a walk!" And this is what he does after the walk. Well, he prefers to lay on me. As soon as that mat hits the floor, he comes over, leans his big saggy face in mine (not that my face is big and saggy. Well, I hope not anyway) and then proceeds to put one arm on me and leeeeaaaaan, like he's some cool furry Marlboro Man.

You may have noticed by now that this post has neither a point, nor a craft in sight. Well, how about this:

TATTOOS.

I want a new one. I've been thinking about a tattoo of my Grandmother's old Singer for a while, and after seeing this,
my mind has been made up. It will be considerably smaller and not on my chest (that's reserved for my submarine. HA. No), and I'm not sure if I'll go for something realistic, although I'm leaning that way, or something sketchy like our coffee cup (which is not, no matter how much Adam insists, a bowl of oatmeal).
So, since it's Friday, I'll leave you with this. Basil Fawlty= me, in almost every social situation.

My Creative Space

For my super-weak re-entry into the creative space lineup, I give you.... bottles of dollar-store glitter. I have a plan to use a little of this. Most of it will probably sit idle until Christmas. Tis the season to be shiny, right?
Pop over to Kootoyoo for some far more inspiring creative spaces. I'll do better next week, promise ;D.

WARNING!! This post contains *ahem* vaginal odour

Now, you may be wondering where the hell this came from. Well, first, let me say

if you are noticing a foul odour coming from your crotchal region, get to the doctor, cause it's not supposed to stink.

That being said, there is a Vagisil commercial that seems to be on 800x a day (that I can't find on the internet, and yes, it might be because I've been watching too much TV, but that's neither here nor there) where the the woman facing the camera says, "I found out the hard way that not all cleansers eliminate vaginal odour," while the two women behind her are whispering and glaring at her. Thankfully, she discovered Vagisil before it was too late, and the commercial ends with the three woman chatting amicably, walking along on a bright sunny, day.
Good thing she discovered Vagisil; poor dear, this is probably the first time she could walk around in the daylight without being pecked to death by seagulls.

Why, society? Why is it okay to shame women?

Or how about, they be honest about it? Send out a man in a suit, or even better a lab coat.
Have him say something like, "Ladies, your vaginae are filthy and disgusting. They smell. They do things we don't like and can't talk about. Use our product to hose out your business, or don't blame us when you're shunned, and die alone."
Isn't that really what they're getting at at? And I don't know about you, but I definitely have never seen a commercial with a young man who's afraid his balls stink, and no one will like him. Or maybe they could save time and just dub over this Febreeze ad. Really, try it on mute with this script:

Timmy: Dad, what's that smell??
Dad: Oh. That's your mother's vagina. If your friends come over, tell them we were just at the all you can eat seafood buffet.

Vagisil. Save your family the embarrassment

OHDEARGOD. Yes, it gets me riled. But before I'm done, (and I'm almost done, I promise) I'll just leave you with this gem: If you have some extra time, google vintage Lysol ads. Did you all know it was originally sold to combat vaginal offence? Clearly, we haven't progressed at all. If anything, we're going backwards here; it's not like you can scrub your floor with Vagisil.

This kind of weather makes me wish I was a bear

Not that I sometimes don't just wish I was a bear anyway...

I think the worst thing about being a bear would be NO COFFEE. Course, giving coffee to a bear just seems like a bad idea.

Anyway.

It was cold here (I know I don't really have any room to complain; compared to some places across the country, we have it good). It was around -30 here, with the windchill. My skin feels tight and itchy, and I only left the house to untangle the dog when he went out to pee (poor little pupsicle). So no w-a-l-k today; no trip to the dog park (which is more skating rink than park right now). How many more days til spring??
Don't feel too bad for him though: he did have company this morning.

The weather is perfect for sewing though. I managed to finish a messenger bag with only one broken needle, no injuries, and not as much maniacal swearing, as... well... as there could have been. It wasn't my fault! I should have known better than to line it with jersey. I loathe sewing the jersey. But here it is:


It really isn't crooked, contrary to how the pictures look; and the lining makes all the aggravation worth it. I think it needs a label that says, "Meredith knew about the affair; but Bernard would never know his coffee had been poisoned."

Christmas Flashback

This was the gingerbread man decoration I made for my sister; the muffin tin is from Value Village, the gingerbread people are made of fimo, and the rest are things I had (all from the dollar store).

G is for giveaway

Not mine this time though. Pop over to Lila Tueller Designs for a chance to win this fabulous fabric.

And the winner is.....

Rocco could hardly stand the excitement!!

So all the numbers were put on slips of paper, and *drumroll please*

#67, Jennifer of Hoodies and Flip Flops, come on down!! I think it's karma; I miss my flip flops most in January. I'll post some pictures after she receives it. Thank you to everyone who entered! I feel so special ;D.

Edit: Here it is, all ready to go. I couldn't resist one picture...

To Marcia, so she can stop checking (love you ;D)

Hello everybody.
Let's see... what's been happening...
Well, I've been waiting for that phone call about that job, that I no longer believe in. Which has been leading me to wallow, much like this

...but without the stuffy (and I've been walking the dog, and taking him in the park, and cooking him chicken hearts that he was kind enough to share with me and on and on about the hound). Unemployment sucks greasy gopher balls, I must say.

I've been reading a book of Neil Gaiman short stories, one of which scared the pee out of me. ("The Price," from Smoke and Mirrors. Creeeeeeeeeeeeepy).

I've been looking at this mess
...and thinking I should really do something about that. The boxes? They're for material. See how they're still empty? Yea. Slack as me arse.

I've been thinking about going back to school, and if it would stop snowing at some point tomorrow (or next week. I'll wait. Longer. If I have to) I'm going to talk to someone about that.

I made something for someone's birthday, who may or may not be reading this *Hiiiiiiiiiii Marther*. Sneak (blurry) peek:

Oh, and I did make a necklace...
... that I don't think is done yet. It needs some buttons. And it gave me an idea: I will be making a zig-zag quilt with red/turquoise/black, and put together with dark grey. When? No time in the near future, but... y'know... sometime...

And also, this?

This is me, on any given day, until about 11 o'clock. The miracle of not working is that every day feels like Wednesday. Sort of like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day. But I digress.

Check back in later to see who won my giveaway!

As God is my witness, I. Will never. Bake. Again.

Last night, I made a spice cake. That part went well (lesson learned: next time, just make a cake). This morning, I got up, did the dishes (cause I was that lazy last night), all the while whistling Chocolate Salty Balls. I won't lie, I was excited about my cake balls. So, my balls were in the freezer (heh heh) and I was melting my white chocolate, when I accidentally splashed some water in there from my double boiler. Now, before this morning, I didn't know that chocolate could seize. For those of you who also didn't know this, here's the explanation I found via about.com:

Chocolate is a mixture of fat (from cocoa butter) and dry particles (cocoa and
sugar). When the melted chocolate comes into contact with water, the dry
particles become moist and begin to stick together, quickly forming a
gritty, rough mass of chocolate.

Bully. It also goes on to say that it can't be fixed. Great. Thankfully, I had got 2 bags of chips (which wasn't enough, but I'll get to that). Adam will not see chocolate go to waste, so he pressed it between some wax paper, wrote in it, and put it in the freezer.

Aww. Bless his little heart. So I didn't take them out back and hurk them at the squirrel like I wanted to do. No no, I "dipped" them. Ish. Problems included:

• Too much icing made for squishy balls.
• Squishy, crumbly balls made for dirty chocolate.
• Dirty chocolate made for not very pretty balls. Nobody wants to put a lumpy ball in their mouth. But I persevered.

I ran short of white chocolate, so I had to melt some semi-sweet. I think I ended up with more on my hands than on the cake balls, but that's okay. They're done, and they taste good. They should just be eaten in the dark. Want to see my balls?

I partly blame all this on tomorrow's full moon. Also being blamed on the moon:

• Took the dog to the off-leash part of the Bedford Commons yesterday where he proceeded to pee on 2 people. We're now known as the people who own the "pee-er". Amidst our protestations of "No! No, he's never done this before!!" and "I don't know what could have come over him!" and our apologies to the people with the sodden boots (just what you want when it's COLD), there he is, off in the distance, standing next to the oblivious girl on her cell phone, leg cocked... the hound, not the girl. Adam yelled, and he stopped, but what the hell?? I looked it up, and apparently he is a)either marking people he would like to keep as his own (I hope not; we really don't have room for an extra person in here), or b)just superexcitedOMGpeopleanddogsanddogsandpeopleOMGOMGOMG!!. I think it's probably the latter, and what I read said that with young dogs, excitement will cause them to pee on the closest vertical thing. It shouldn't be hard to correct him, we just have to be close to him when he's about to wee. In the mean time, I've been calling him Pissyfoot, and if you see him, don't stand too close.
• Adam broke the over-the-door towel rack yesterday (through no fault of his own. Hung the towel; a screw snapped. Clearly, it's a lunar event). This forced me to put up the wall mounted rack my sister got me for Christmas. This may have been the turning point for the day, as this went well, we went back to the park, and no one was peed on, and then I made a delicious hamburger/potato/not quite Shepard's Pie for supper.

Full moon tomorrow; I'll be expecting a drastic turnaround on all fronts by Friday.

BEETLEJUICE! BEETLEJUICE! BEETLEJUICE!!

Apparently today is Blue Monday and I'm celebrating by... wallowing? No, that's not right. The hound gets a trip to the park, and then I'm going to try my hand at some cake balls. If they don't come out, I'll just eat the evidence (I'm watching some cake show on TLC. I would be livid if someone paid that much for a cake for me, regardless of the occasion. Just a thought...).

I've been working on what I'm making for the Nightmare before Valentine's Day swap. I won't show anything until my swap partner receives it (which won't be for a while. Shhh, I'm just excited!). Just a hint I got a meter (on clearance) of this before Christmas, even though I had no idea what I would use it for. Coincidence? Well, yes, actually, but a handy one!

And a sneak peak:

I have baker's rage

So let's get right down to it: I hate baking. I do it quite often because I love to eat, and Adam loves to eat, and most of the time, it's okay. Okay, so half way through, it's too hot in the kitchen, and I'm watching the growing pile of dishes, and thinking, 'Why did I start this? I could have just got some Oreos', but then the food is done, and it's good and worth it, but not tonight. No no; tonight, I experienced some stuckage issues. In which the bottom of my banana bread became one with the pan, and as I stood there looking at it, half of it upside down on the cooling rack, the other half, torn open and exposed in the loaf pan, I think I had an aneurysm. *insert horrendous swearing and speaking in tongues here*. FML. (Oh, and Amber, does that answer your question about what some people would call irrational anger?). Whatever. No food goes to waste here; next time, the pan will be greased and floured. *insert some residual swearing here*

So anyway. Want to see my masking tape (this is becoming a bit of an addiction)?

(The blue (which is polka dots) and the font (loveit!!!) are from Michael's ($1.50); the rest are from Liquidation World ($0.88!). The one on the top says, "Hey you!! Propeller cuts the head" and the bottom says, "How many vacant hours do you spend?" I have a feeling they lose something in the translation. BUT that leads me to a question: how many hours do you waste? I spend far too much time doing nothing. Being idle and lackadaisical. Which I'm going to try very hard to change. There are so many things I want and need to do around the house; so many things I want to make, and I really need to get more active. Mostly for me, and it would benefit the hound. So that's my goal: use my time in a more productive way. We'll see how it goes. And in keeping with that, I leave you with this:

"Do not wait; the time will never be 'just right.' Start where
you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your
command, and better tools will be found as you go along."
-- George Herbert

Just a thought, found over at zzyzx & Sue.

God bless the Hamburger Helper.

So since I was up until 3.30 with indigestion that would drop a Hun, I figured I would get some things done for my Aunts for their birthdays. Birthday? They share a date. However you want to say it, here are some pictures, as I'm tired, hungry and still in misery. (Anyone have some miracle cures for indigestion that won't die??)

Anyroad. Here they are, out of the envelopes:

...and opened up:

Off to shower and mail these. And then write threatening letters to the little hamburger helper hand. Son of a....

PS. If you're new here, well, Hi, how are you? :D And check out my giveaway.

Happiness is fat orange ric-rac.

First, if any of you are around the HRM, stop in here: Marlene and her husband are the nicest people and they are the keepers of the awesomeness. The variety of material is just incredible. I don't recommend going there when you're in a hurry, but I so do recommend going there. I didn't look around much today, since I didn't want to ruin my fabric diet (I lusted after some of their Valentine material, but since I LOATHE the holiday, what would I even do with it?), but I did get the FQs for my giveaway (Uhm. Does that count? I'll have to go back and check. For the record, I don't think it should. I didn't even unfold them).

But I did get this:
Fat orange and red ric-rac; teeny skinny orange ric-rac; red with a silver thread; and silver with a red/green herringbone stitch. The last two were half-price, so 4m for $1.50. And the measuring tape? I know what you're thinking, 'My word, that looks like a lot of measuring tape,' and you are correct!
120"! I don't care what anyone says, SIZE MATTERS. And for the record, mine's bigger. Heh heh.

So. Remember Gunther?
Awww, I can still smell his noxious, salami-scented puppy breath. Well, his name has been changed to Ice (Vanilla? Perhaps), and he's is very happy at his new home. If you would indulge me for a moment, I would like to ramble (feel free to skip this part if you just don't care. I understand). I don't like poorly trained dogs. I think if your dog snarls and snaps and growls, then there's a problem, and you should really fix it. However, I don't think the problem is ever the breed. When Adam first saw this guy, he said he was making noises like Linda Blair in The Exorcist. But as soon as he showed him some attention, and made it clear that he a)wasn't being threatened, and b)wasn't in charge, he turned into this little puppy. The guy who had him was just convinced he was an aggressive dog, and that there was nothing that could be done with him. That just makes me sad. For the record, I've only ever been bitten by one dog. A miniature Daschund (he actually bites me every time I see him, and I think he might be possessed, but I digress). My point (if I haven't completely lost it already) is that the breed doesn't make the dog mean; how it's treated makes all the difference. Rocco is part pit bull, and I'm quite sure the only way he could harm anyone would be if he decided to nap on you. One more picture and then no more mention of dogs for the rest of this (very long) post.
Back to craftiness: see kate sew is having her first giveaway (which I would love to win!) and there's another one happening at Fussy Cut (see parenthesis above).
Also, my mug rugs are finished and ready to go to move on to their new homes.
Vintagey goodness! Speaking of which, I must get thrifting soon. Update, of course, to follow.

#100?? This calls for a giveaway!!

Here's your prize:

You're very own Pitty Puppy!! Open internationally. I mean, he'll be fine in a box with some food until he reaches his destination, right? HA! Actually, the puppy giveaway is only open to local (re: anyone who is willing to come get him) people, but please, if you, or someone you know, have the time and space for a very sweet, very lovable puppy named Gunther, send me a message. Adam (heretofore referred to as Dr Doolittle) rescued him from either a)death, or b)life in a junkyard, which really is the same thing. He's a smart little puppy; he's listening really well, and playing well with Rocco. Please pass this on, this little guy needs some humans to call his own.

Now.

100 posts in a little less than a year! That really does call for a giveaway! What will it be, you ask? I don't know!! It's a surprise (I have it from a good source that it might involve something along the line of mug rugs, fat quarters and assorted goodies, but it won't be revealed until it's received)!! Even to me! But if you want it, you get

• one entry for a comment
• one entry for following
• one entry for linking me on your blog.

Please leave one comment for each thing you do, meaning I'm counting each comment as one entry, so if you do all 3 and leave one comment, you still only have one entry. I hope that was clear and I didn't leave anything out. WOOHOO!! This is my first giveaway!! Comments open until I get up next friday (January 21), and then I'll announce the winner.

Edit: Gunther has moved on to a very good home with lots of love and attention and... damn, he's not here anymore...

Son O'Benore

Well, then. Today we got snow.

This was after about an hour. It's ridiculous. Srsly. I do not like the snow, or winter at all for that matter. It's cold, it's dark. At the moment, the roads are a mess. The hound loves it, so I can't just stay in, and hibernate like I would like to (although I did stay in for most of the day). So I saw the snow start, and I was thinking, this would be a great day to sew. Turns out, like Al Purdy, I was wrong (I can't find a copy of "Homemade Beer" online, but check this out, if you have a moment. I love Al Purdy's poems). I have managed to accomplish some things, but sewing, well, let me just say I bonded with my stitch ripper today. It was a very frustrating, like, kick a puppy into a jet engine type of day.

But not this puppy

That's his new Lion buddy. When he's tired, he likes to lay on him and suck on the big squishy feet. Yea, I know, my dog is kind of a weirdo.

So.... did I hear someone say quilt? *That was an attempt at a segueway. And for the record, whenever I read that, in my head, I say say-goo-way. Smrt, right?*
This is my huge, hand-sewn and (half) hand-quilted Apple Core quilt. (Only half quilted because when I started doing carpentry, it came with some lovely carpal tunnel, which doesn't affect work very much usually, but does mean no hand sewing when I'm working. It sucks. Anyway, moving on...). This one comes with some whimsy.



Hopefully I can get it quilted before summer. I'm pretty sure the top was done, oh, at least 12 years ago, I think it is well past due.
This is one that was intended as a wedding gift for my sister.... they just celebrated their 5th anniversary.... So... anyway... you'll notice the border isn't done... and it's not quilted....
... but look at this couch potato!!
And in the same basket I found these blocks. I had found some material that belonged to my dad's grandmother, and started making them with the intention of making a quilt, which I abandoned when I decided that they were old and not likely up to the wear and tear of quilt life. But fear not, they've been reincarnated.
Finally, my six completed blocks for my Carpenter's Wheel quilt. The remaining twenty-nine blocks are in various stages of (let's be honest) incompletion.

I have actually finished some quilts, but I'm experiencing technical difficulties with the picture format. I'll figure it out...
That's all I've got, people. Stay tuned for entry #100. I promise nothing super exciting, but I'll see what I can do ;D.